Thursday, June 7, 2012

You too can write theology and get rich

I am nothing if not generous. Also I am unable to keep a secret where money is concerned. So here, with some unexpected blogging time because my flight to Wellington is cancelled due to the weather (snowed yesterday, ice on the runway today), is my generous revelation of a secret way to write theological books and make money. My own personal experience of writing theological books and articles, till now, has been singularly unenriching in the monetary sense. But no longer. The secret I wish to share with you is this:

Stop writing Protestant theology. It is not a money spinner.*

Start writing Roman Catholic theology. But with a twist. Include a few things which are not Roman Catholic theology (here is where starting out as a Protestant, especially a liberal Protestant, offers some advantages).

Then be patient. This is the secret which many post-modernists find hard to take, but it is essential. Success is not guaranteed in under six years. Be patient. Wait.

What for?

For the Vatican to find you out.

Then pray. Pray that you will be publicly dressed down, even banned. Yes, banning is good for aspiring theologians seeking some cash.

Finally, keep an eye on your Amazon sales. Expect your sales rankings to increase dramatically, say, from 142,982th least seller to 16th best seller.

Ring your bank manager.

This secret is given away freely. But if you care to share your new found riches with me, I can supply my bank details. It's the Lagos branch ...


*That, unfortunately, is an unintended consequence of having no Protestant magisterium.


Father Ron Smith said...

A wee bit scurrilous here, Peter. I'm surprised you do not give any credence to the forward-looking ideas of this (academically) well-respected Roman Catholic theologian. I had thought you to be a little less prejudiced than that.

However, I do concede that some of the Protestant theologians, like their R.C. counterparts, have an endemic dislike for any developed theology which questions the antedeluvian understanding of sex - as being for procreation only, and preferably only undertaken at the instigation of the male species.

There are shibboleths about women and about human sexuality that need to be scuttled by present day Christians - to be more in keeping with other theological developments like enlightened attitudes towards slaves, 'children of Ham', and women generally, that need to be embraced for the good of all.

Patriarchalism and Sexism are dead ducks for most thinking people and rightly so, IMHO.

Peter Carrell said...

Er, Ron, I am commending this academic women to all readers as a model to aspire to and a sign of hope for all ambitious theological writers. How much more credence can I give her?

Anonymous said...

I am reminded of a comment by the late Austin Farrar "he who writes about theolgy makes enemies;he who writes about spirituality makes money"

Perry Butler